Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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