Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
