if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
