i just had sex bonerless
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
