I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
