So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
