I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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