You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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