i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
