let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
