90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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