I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Michael Bay diarrhea
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
