are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
