hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
