she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
