'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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