I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
