Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
