420 ftw
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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