WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize