TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
