drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
