i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
