I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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