Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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