Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
