maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
