just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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