Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
