I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
