You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
