We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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