A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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