Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
