Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
