ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
