she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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