Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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