we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize