Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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