Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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