We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
