ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
