he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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