idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
