you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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