i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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