It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
