guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
