Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
