I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
