My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
People in love make me want to vomit
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize