You don't have asthma, your pregnant
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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