Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
