Do you still have your period?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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