What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
being pregnant is like rehab
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
