3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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