Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
