apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
