your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
