I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
