Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wish my penis had a tongue
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
