I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My balls are so social today.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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