Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
