just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize