Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
