Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
