But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
