like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
