he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
