i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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