don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
