I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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