every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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