I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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